ACAL (Association of Child Abuse Lawyers)
Welcome to our forum. Feel free to post a message. This forum is for not only members of ACAL but also survivors, or any others who have views. The purpose is to enable members or survivors to exchange views on not only different legal topics which affect the cases they are involved in, but also any worries survivors may have about anything they wish to discuss. Please remember that this forum is not private and can be read by anyone. We are keeping under review whether the forum should become private and available to members only.
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| Viewing Page 1 of 1 (Total Posts: 2) |
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James
Aug 17, 05 - 2:04 PM |
My Experience
am a victim of child abuse, it happened when I was at boarding school at the age of 11 and did not stop until I was 13. He was a teacher and the assistant boarding master and I believed I could trust him. Every night he would come in to the dorm I was sleeping and do terrible things to me. To be honest with you I did get sexual exited by the experience, but as time wore on the abuse became worse for me and began to hurt more. I was a quiet boy before this happened and this just made this worse for me. I felt I could not turn to anyone not even my parents or other teachers. When I was 13 around Easter time the abuse stopped as the teacher moved to a different boarding house within the school. When this happened I was still not happy with myself and begin to suffer the after effects like flashbacks. I became more and more depressed at myself and by the events of what happened, by the age of 14 I tried to kill myself by an overdose which did not work and I became guilty for even trying. When I was 19 I still suffered from what happened and went on the computer and their I downloaded images of child pornography, I used my credit card to buy in to these site not even thinking what would happen if I got caught, as I looked at the images I would put myself in the position of the child and somehow be abused buy the adult in the image, this may sound strange to you but I was in a very bad state of mind at this time. This went on for about 3 years when I was finally caught, it took a further 2 years before I was finally sentenced, I had saved 460 images on my computer and was sentenced to 4 months in prison of which I served 2 mouths, 3 years on license and 7 years on the sex offenders list. At the time of going back and forth to the magistrates court my mother asked if any thing had happened to me whilst I was at school to this I just burst out crying with joy and sadness of someone asking me, cause I knew this would not help me in the crown court. Before I went to prison I went to see an officer from the child protection unit where I live and gave a long statement about what happened to me and the teacher involved, this and other statements I gave were passed to the police were I went to school, the teacher has been arrested and charged and is know awaiting trial of which I will give evidence against him, their will also be 2 other (boys) now men that he abused after he had finished with me. I am not looking forward to going to the trial and I am more and more depressed over this but I am at last seeking help for what happened to me. I know now what caused me to offend but I do not use it as an excuse, further more being abused has ruined my life and I still suffer but now I can start my life again with people who care and love me. As I was looking on your site I noticed the Operation Ore part and was glad to see that I was not among your list, my family and friends do not class me as a paedophile and I don't either. I have spoken to other people that were abused as children and they say that they do not understand what I went through and I do not understand what they when through, which is true because abuse effects us in different ways some can cope others can not. I feel guilty about not telling anyone what happened to me at the time and also guilty about what I did to offend. I can only learn from my experience of being abused and going to prison and tell people that there are people out their that can help. |
jimbo
Aug 31st, 2005 - 8:52 AM |
Re: My Experience
Hi James. No you are NOT a paedophile mate, its what happened to you during your childhood which made you download pics from the net so don't be worried about that. I am from Operation Care and I do know what you went through my friend, you are not alone. I don't know where you live, but if you visit our site www.fireinice2005.co.uk we may have someone in your area who will give you advice regarding your trip to court and maybe go with you on the day for support. Chin up Mate |
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